Bad Boyfriend
by Marmaladeskiies
Summary: Sasori and Deidara meet at college, where they both are studying art. Their friends, Pain and Konan, decide to set them up, and a very chaotic romance ensues, but things aren't as sweet as they seem when Pain's past catches up with him, endangering the entire group. Sasori discovers that Deidara isn't who he seems to be- the stakes are sky-high in Akatsuki Acadamy!
1. Chapter 1

** chapter one  
**

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The first SasoDei story I've done on this account! Yay~ Hope you guys like it :)

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"Where do we pick up our keys?" Sasori asked Pain as the two best friends made their way through the busy hallways of Akatsuki Acadamy, pushing through the chattering crowd of their fellow college freshmen.  
"Registration office, I think." Pain replied, rubbing his thumb thoughtfully over his lip piercings as he spoke. Sasori nodded and followed his friend down another hallway, just as full of people as the last.

He had a good feeling about the year; he'd only been there a half-hour, and seven people had already given him their phone numbers. But besides the promise of lots of sex coming his way, Sasori was also relieved to finally be out of his grandmother's house. It had been bad enough having to stay there during highschool- no matter how many nights he crashed at Pain's house, it didn't erase the fact that he was stuck with the old bag for five long years. At last, Sasori thought with a smile, he was far away from that shitty house and that wrinkly bitch. At last, he was doing what he loved. Art school was going to be the best place ever, and the only thing that could possibly change that would be if...

"No, I'm sorry, you two didn't sign up for paired rooms in time. You've already been assigned different roommates." sighed the lady at the front registration desk.  
"What? Oh my god..." Sasori groaned, fixing Pain with a glare. "You said you'd signed us up!" Pain looked just as pissed as he was, and was running his hand irritably through his already-messy hair.  
"I said I was _going _to. I never said I did... Aw fuck, this is.."  
"All your fault?" Sasori supplied, deadpan.  
"Anyway, here are your keys. Rooms 1209 and 1211. At least you're close together." The lady at the desk said with a weary half-smile as she slid their keys across the counter and turned away to help the next people in line.  
"Well, this sucks. But hey, aren't these rooms co-ed?" Pain asked as they grabbed their bags and hefted them over into the nearest elevator, which was already stuffed full of people.  
"Yeah, so?" Sasori asked, grinning at the blushing busty chick next to him as he reached across her to press the button for level seven.  
"So, this is great! I might get a girlfriend!" Sasori rolled his eyes at his friend as the shy chick left the elevator with a red-faced backward glance.  
"You know, when you said it all excited like that, you sound like you've never _had _a girlfriend before. Which I know isn't true, because you've been crawling to me for dating advice for years." Pain wrinkled his nose, presumably at the memory of his most recent ex.  
"I don't think 'crawling' is quite the right word, but that's not the point. Maybe our roommates will be really cool! This is an arts institute... aren't art students always really cool?" Sasori laughed.  
"You tell me, mister scholarship. You tell me." he said with a grin as they dragged themselves and all their luggage off of the elevator.

"1206...1207...1208... Ok, well this is my room." Pain said, checking the number on his key with the matching one on the door.  
"And I'm right there." Sasori said, pointing two doors down. "You want to unpack then check out the rest of the school?" he asked, glancing at Pain, who looked a little too excited, considering the circumstances. "You know what? Why don't I come over here after I unpack, and take you out for coffee so you can tell me exactly what your lovely roommate is like?" Sasori said, with just a touch of sarcasm in his voice.  
"Sounds good." Pain said as he unlocked his door and walked in. Sasori rolled his eyes and dragged his luggage down two doors to 1211. The residence building was boring, considering the fact that it was full of art students, but he was confident it would get cooler as the year went by. The doors were beige, the walls white, the linoleum cat-sick yellow. Not a palace, but it was better than home. He fished the key out of his pocket, and with only a second's hesitation, unlocked the door and pushed it open.

His first impression of the room was that it was smaller than he'd imagined. To be fair, he'd been imagining the deluxe apartment suite which Pain had been supposed to sign up for in advance, so it was only natural that his expectations be unmet. His second impression was that half of the room was really messy. He looked over at what he supposed was his new roommate's living space with a curled lip, taking in the dirty handprints on the wall, what looked like a pile of mud wrapped in wax paper and damp paper towels on the desk, clothes, books, cds, and papers all over the floor, and a very large, very strange looking clay bird statue on the dresser.

Sasori raised his eyesbrows and muttered to himself- cleanliness had always been important to him, and he felt a little uncomfortable standing near so much dirt- but appreciated the way all the crap stopped almost exactly at the half-way point between the two beds, which were pressed against either wall. He dragged all of his bags in and dumped them all onto his bed as he glanced around at what had been provided for his use. One bed, one small desk, one small dresser, one small shelf (attatched to the wall), one chair, and one mini-fridge. Not bad, considering, and way better than his granny's dusty antiques and crochet blankets. Thank god he was out.

He began to meticulously unpack, organizing all his books alphabetically on the shelf, carefully stashing his porn, lube, and condoms in the top drawer, within easy reach from the bed, and folding his clothes into the dresser. He unpacked his carving tools, wood, wire, and stainer, and was just lining up his miniature mannequins on the desk when the door burst open and a whirlwind of tanned skin, long hair, tattoos, dirty jeans, and loud laughter burst into the room, saw him, and turned right around again and left. Sasori stared at the closed door, stunned. After a while, when he was sure that the person -whoever they were- was not coming back, he texted Pain and headed out for the coffee house.

"So, you don't even know their name?" Pain asked, his mouth full of cranberry muffin as he looked at Sasori, eyebrows raised, across the bronze Italian table. "Nope. They came in, saw me, and left." Sasori said, tipping back his custom-made coffee and swallowing gratefully. There was something about good coffee that did something for him. Affirmed that his life was pretty damn good, or something.  
"Well, was she hot?" Pain asked, and Sasori half-rolled his eyes with a smile, knowing that he was only asking because it was what Sasori was definitely going to ask him about _his _roommate.  
"I don't even know if it was a she. Could've been anything, as far as I know." He raised his right hand and began counting down his fingers. "I know they have long hair. A loud voice. Tanned skin. Dirty jeans. And they go in for dramatic entrances and exits." Pain raised an eyebrow at the last one as he finished off his muffin with a satisfied sigh.  
"Well, no matter who they are, if this year is going to be anything like the last three, you'll probably be having sex with them within the week." Pain predicted with an eye-roll. Sasori smirked and shook his head.  
"No way I'm having sex with somebody who wears dirt. Anyway, what about you? Did you meet a really cool art-student chick? Or is your roommate a dude?" Sasori asked with a grin. Pain bit down on a smile and shook his head, looking pleased, but completely bewildered.  
"What is it?" Sasori asked curiously. Pain glanced over his shoulder at the line of people waiting for their coffee, then leaned in closer.  
"She recognized me." he said with a serious nod.  
"What?" Sasori asked flatly.  
"She _recognized _me." Pain repeated slowly, his eyes fixed dramatically on Sasori's as though trying to send some kind of signal.  
"You've completely lost me here, man." Sasori said, taking another sip of his coffee. Pain groaned in frustration, comically pawing at his hair.  
"No, man, she knew me from before. _Before_, before." He said, jerking his thumb in the air, as though gesturing to some corner of the cafe. But Sasori understood.  
"_Oh, _before, the...your... you know?"  
"Yeah, before that." Pain said, nodding, his gaze now fixed on the middle-distance.  
"So, is that okay? Is she going to tell?" Sasori asked, now a little concerned about the situation. If Pain had run into somebody who could tell his family where he was... or rather, who could tell _anybody _that 'Yahiko' was still alive, under the protection of the government... it could be troublesome. Pain ran his thumb under his lip, nervously rubbing his piercings.  
"No, I don't think so. I remember her, I _knew _her... she wouldn't tell. But let me tell you, it was pretty... crazy." Pain was shaking his head slowly, bouncing his knee up and down erattically, and chewing his lower lip. All three signs of 'Pain's thinking about some deep shit', Sasori mused.  
"Right. Well, this seriously needs to be sorted out." he said, dumping his empty cup down on the table and grabbing his jacket. "Come on. You're going to tell me exactly who this chick is." he said, tossing Pain his jacket and leaving a tip on the table.

A few minutes later they were at the park, just outside the campus. Sasori sat Pain down at a picnic table, far enough away from the path that passersby wouldn't hear their conversation.  
"Right. So. You remember her, she remembers you. The important thing to figure out right now is, does she know?" Sasori asked. He may not be able to remember the name of the last person he slept with, but when it came to his best friend, he took shit seriously. Pain nodded.  
"Well, yeah, she was... she was there. She was with me, we hung out together... I had a crush on her actually." Pain admitted with a grin.  
"She was _there_?" Sasori demanded, snapping his fingers in front of Pain's eyes. "Focus, Pain! This is fucking important! Now, you may not care if this girl tells anybody, but I will be fucking pissed if I find you shot dead in a river tomorrow! Tell me everything." Pain sighed, stuck his elbows on the table and ran his hair through his hands.  
"Okay. Her name is Konan. She was with me and Nagato for a while, and she was there the day I 'died'. She saw me get stabbed, she screamed. I haven't seen her since, but she recognized me on sight."  
"What did she do when she saw you?" Sasori asked, biting down on his thumb.  
"Stared. I introduced myself, she shook her head... It was really weird. She kind of... jumped on me. She was crying, so it actually took me a while to figure out what was going on. Then she... uh..."  
"She, uh, what?" Sasori asked suspiciously. Pain looked very uncomfortable, but he was also smiling.  
"She kissed me. And then we just talked, and then you texted me, so I said I'd see her later."  
"Okay." Sasori said with a sigh. "As long as you don't tell her anything about... all that..." he said, giving Pain a pointed look, "it should be okay. But I still don't like this...Be careful. Use condoms." he said, pointing a warning finger at Pain's face. Pain laughed and told him to stop joking.  
"Yeah, yeah, unlikely I'll be needing those. She's way out of my league."  
"That kiss sounds to me like she's willing to stoop down to your level." Sasori said with raised eyebrows, illiciting an uncomfortable laugh from his friend.  
"Yeah, right. The only thing you should be concentrating on is _your _roommate, anyway. I hope you guys don't fight or whatever."  
"Well, if their attitude is anything like their organizational skills, there might be trouble." Sasori said as they began to walk back to school.

A few hours of exploring later, Sasori was standing outside his door, groping around for his key in pockets that now contained seventeen phone numbers. He smirked as a few of them fell out when he triumphantly tugged his key out of his back pocket, and stuffed them back in quickly before unlocking the door. He walked in with a sigh, kicking the door closed behind him. He dropped his bag on the floor and stretched his arms over his head, ready to relax. He got a funny feeling he was being watched and whirled around in surprise, his eyes falling on the person he recognized as his roommate, sitting on the bed opposite.  
"Holy shit." Sasori breathed.


	2. Chapter 2

**chapter two**

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So, because I can't be bothered to put 'un' or whatever at the end of most of Deidara's sentences, I just mention he has a verbal tic and be done with it. Sorry if anyone really loves that, but I find it distracting :( sorry!

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Sasori was staring at the person sitting across from him, momentarily stunned into silence. His mind had seemingly checked out, only registering a few things at a time.

Number one, his roommate was a guy.  
Number two, the guy was only wearing a pair of black sweatpants.  
Number three, he was ridiculously hot.  
Number four, he was speaking.

"...sorry?" Sasori said after a few seconds, not having heard a thing. The guy leaned back against the wall, his folded arms resting on his knees, and repeated himself.  
"I guess you're my roommate. Nice to meet you." His voice was surprisingly deep, but Sasori supposed it would only be a surprise if you judged him by his hair or his physical build- his body language was all male. He also had an interesting verbal tic, a short sound of assent after every other sentance.  
"You, too. What's your name?" Sasori asked, begging himself to get back into the game- there was no way he was going to let this beautiful fucker get away through a bad first impression.  
"Deidara." the blonde bombshell grinned, a wicked grin, the kind of grin that Sasori had wet dreams about. He cleared his throat.  
"I'm Sasori. Cool tattoo-" he gestured at the shape on Deidara's chest.  
His roommate dropped his arms, revealing a stitched-up ink mouth surrounded by what looked like some kind of runes. He raised his hands as well, in what Sasori assumed was an invitation for a high-ten before he saw more tattoos- again, mouths, this time with teeth and tongues showing- etched on the palms.  
"Tattoos, pardon me."  
"I've had 'em for about six years." Deidara shrugged, reaching over to his desk and grabbing a half-empty bottle of what Sasori suspected was a very alcoholic mixture. Deidara tipped it back, and Sasori felt his pants get a little tighter as he watched a drop roll down Deidara's chin and neck, with no shirt to stop it from trailing on down his chest...

_Switching POV  
_  
"Sorry I didn't say hi earlier, I was on the phone." Deidara said casually, watching his new roommate's eyes refocus as he spoke. Either this guy was a stoner, or he was easily distracted, he mused.  
"It's fine, I needed to unpack anyway." Sasori said with a shrug. Deidara nodded, and had to repress a smirk; he _had _been on the phone, but the real reason he'd left had something to do with the conversation he'd been having..  
_  
"So, how's your roommate?"  
"Jeez, it'll take too long to explain- meet me for coffee later, okay? But what about yours? Guy or girl?"  
"Haven't met them yet. I'm going to my room now, so they might be there."  
"Okay. Wanna make a bet?"  
"You sound like Kakuzu."  
"That's not a bad thing when I'm broke and it's only the first week of college."  
"Fine, what's the bet?"  
"I bet you the price of a cup of coffee and a cranberry muffin-"  
"That's specific."  
"Yes. I bet that your roommate is going to be ridiculously sexy, and you two will have this crazy rom-com plotline going for the whole of this year."  
"I'm looking forward to that muffin."  
"Hey!"  
_  
And it was at that exact moment that he'd opened the door, seen a dude with bed-head, dreamy eyes, and a ridiculously provocative come-here-to-me smirk. Go figure.  
"So what are you majoring in?" he asked, re-folding his arms and leaning back against the wall.  
"Animation. You?" Sasori replied, checking his phone, which had just vibrated in his pocket.  
"Sculpture. What's up?" Deidara asked as Sasori snorted and grinned at his phone.

Although Deidara had never been able to mask his anger, he was glad he'd become a pro at masking his attraction to people- Sasori's grin was very different from his smirk; whereas the latter was all seduction and dirty promises, the former was all fun and wickedly playful. Something told him that Sasori rarely slept alone. This irritated him, but what irritated him more was the very fact that he got irritated in the first place- he had met this guy, what, an hour ago?

"My friend wants to meet you. Is it okay if he brings his roommate over as well?" he asked, raising his eyebrows and smirking at Deidara, as though anticipating his answer.  
"Sure, that's fine. I haven't got any more, though." he said, holding up his nearly-empty bottle.  
Sasori eyed it, his expression unreadable for a second, before he laughed. The sound hit Deidara's gut like a kick, and he took a swig of his drink to avoid showing a reaction; _Damnit _that was an adorable sound.  
"I'm sure he won't mind. That guy's got coffee in his bloodstream, he doesn't even touch anything else, as far as I know." Sasori said with an eye-roll, his fingers quickly moving over his phone's keypad.  
"They're coming." he said after a few seconds, and sure enough, a few minutes later there was a knock on the door.

Sasori got up to get it, and Deidara had to fix his eyes on his feet to stop himself from checking out his ass as he left. The situation would have been hilarious had it not been happening to him; he had never been so physically attracted to someone in his life. He'd alway been a pretty calm sort of guy, if one ignored his criminal record and other 'bad' habits, so it irritated him to get so worked up over somebody he hardly even knew. He was quickly thrust out of his thoughts, however, when Sasori returned, two people following behind him. Deidara glanced up and burst out laughing.

"Oh my _god!_" Konan exclaimed, rushing over and messing up his hair. "I can't even believe this..."  
"Hey!" Deidara swatted her away and flattened his hair down, shifting over to make room for her on the bed.  
"Sorry, I didn't introduce myself!" Konan said belatedly as she sat down cross-legged on the bed, leaning her head on Deidara's shoulder.  
Sasori and his friend, a tall, lithely muscular boy with orange hair and too many piercings for Deidara to count, sat down on the bed opposite.  
"I'm Konan, Pain's roommate. I'm in design!" she said brightly, and Deidara didn't miss the slight pause before she said 'Pain'. He glanced down at her, surprised- they'd been friends for several years, and although Konan was usually bright and cheery, she certainly hadn't been when he first met her, and he'd never, ever seen her so open with strangers.  
"This is Sasori." The guy called Pain said, patting a hand on Sasori's shoulder.

The redhead rolled his eyes, and Deidara immediately got the idea that their friendship was an odd one- despite his appearance, Pain's enthusiastic smile and friendly demeanor clashed somehow with Sasori's, which somehow seemed more sarcastic. Much like Deidara himself and Konan, he realized, then smiled a little; he'd always found that odd friendships were usually the closest.  
They chatted for a while about programs, classes, and the college itself, until Sasori propped his chin up on his fist and gestured towards Deidara and Konan.

"Just wondering- are you guys together?" Konan immediately shifted left, just as Deidara shifted right.  
"No, no, no, no, no, no, no." they said, almost in unison, as they'd done this rather often.  
"No, no, just friends, thank god." Konan said with a laugh.  
"What do you mean, 'thank god'?" Deidara asked, only half-teasing. Konan looked at him, eyebrows judgementally raised.  
"I mean thank god I don't have to spend my nights blowing stuff up or setting fire to stuff, or digging clay out of rivers, and don't say that's not what we'd be doing on our dates," she said, grinning as he was about to interrupt, "because you _know _I'm right." Deidara rolled his eyes.  
"Good luck living with this thing." he said to Pain, jerking his head at Konan, who protested loudly about being called a 'thing'.  
"I'll take my chances." Pain said with a shrug and a grin. Deidara noticed with interest the way his smile turned shy when he met Konan's gaze. They talked for a whiel more, until everyone started to get hungry.

"Want to go get coffee?" Pain asked.  
"As long as there's also _food_." Sasori said, smirking at his friend, who shrugged.  
"I'd love to, but Deidara and I have got plans to meet some friends downtown." Konan said apologetically. Deidara glanced at her, eyebrows raised, but said nothing. That plan was news to him.  
"Tomorrow for breakfast, then?" Sasori suggested, and they all agreed, as none of them had an early class.

As soon as Pain and Sasori had left the room, Konan turned to face Deidara, her eyes sparkling. That always meant trouble, as far as Deidara was concerned. "You. Me. Coffee. _Now_." she said, leaping up and tugging at his arm.  
"I think you're missing some verbs in there." Deidara said, grinning as she rolled her eyes and huffed loudly.  
"Come on, this is important! This is the most desperately important thing _ever_!"  
"Why is that, may I ask?" he asked, feeling a little snarky as he slowly got to his feet and stretched.  
"Because you _totally _owe me that coffee and muffin." she said, giving him a look over her shoulder before she shoved the door open and left. Deidara grabbed his wallet, threw on the first t-shirt he laid hands on, yawned, tipped back the last of what was left in his bottle, and followed her.  
Experience had taught him that leaving Konan waiting meant lemon-sprinkled paper cuts later.  
"Coming." he said, following her down the hall with a grin.


End file.
